My daughter Willa was born about a year ago. Her birth turned my world upside down, inside out, and ultimately changed it for the better. My body is also forever changed.

Sure, I lost the weight, but things aren’t quite what they used to be or where they used to be (hello, boob droop). I’m fine with that for the most part, but I haven’t been able to reconcile what happened to my abs.

After throwing my back out in my late 20s, I started doing Pilates and balance exercises, which strengthened my back and had the wonderful side effect of giving me a very strong set of abdominal muscles as well.

When I became pregnant, I continued exercising—spinning, yoga, walking, and weight training. I thought that if I stayed in shape, I’d be able to avoid getting a mom pooch. Unfortunately, there’s nothing much a woman can do to prevent developing diastasis recti, a separation between the two sides of the rectus abdominis muscle, commonly known as your abs.

I always thought a diastasis was something that happened during the birthing process, and only to women who weren’t in shape. So I was shocked to find out at 36 weeks that the divide had already happened to me, under the strain of the growing baby against the abdominal wall.

My prenatal yoga instructor walked around the class and asked everyone if they’d like to be checked for it. She told me to lie on my back and bring my head into a crunch position. She placed her hand right below by breast bone and declared, “Oh yeah, you’ve got a doozy. It’s about three fingers wide.”

WTH? I asked what I could do about it and she explained that there wasn’t a thing I could do about it now, but I could try to rehab it after the baby was born.

After my daughter’s birth, it felt as though a bomb had gone off in my stomach. I used a splint to help bring the two halves together so they could heal, and at about three weeks postpartum my doctor said I could start exercising again.

I started slowly with long power walks and light weights, and eventually worked myself up to running and regular gym classes. Over the course of several months, my split came back together somewhat, but the two halves of my abs are still about 1 1/2 fingers apart.

Could I ever get my abs back or was I destined—like so many moms out there—to just deal with the space and the pooch it caused?